I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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