This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just found puke in my bra..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
