There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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