Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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