She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize