whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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