party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
