I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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