There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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