dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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