You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh god it's open bar.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
