Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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