i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
