You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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