Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
