He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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