I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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