when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize