He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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