And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
