we're blogging at a bar
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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