also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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