Having a random hookup so left but love u
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
