A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
