Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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