I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
