You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
