I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
