epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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