life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
