Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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