The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What a dumb baby whore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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