And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
