remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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