you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
