found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize