Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
