fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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