My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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