My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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