Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
