its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
