Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
