im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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