If i come over, it means nothing
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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