I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
