you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
