I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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