you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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