is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
