feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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