He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
