At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
