So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
