I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
