ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
