Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
