Yo dont text me then not text me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
