fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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