you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
