im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
