Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
