i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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