It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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