I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My vagina is officially offended.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
