so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
