i wish there were pregnant emoticons
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
