i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
