theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize