apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
