making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
