I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
