I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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