YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
